An airline pilot was scheduled to take a flight from New York to Los Angeles. The weather was too bad in New York to allow his usual on time departure. The weather in New York finally cleared and the pilot asked for his departure clearance. He was very dismayed to hear that he had another delay due to the increased traffic now leaving New York. Sometime later he finally received his clearance and decided he would try to make up the time lost by asking for a direct route to Los Angeles. Halfway a…

Intercom A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY G-D!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom and said,…

A Plane is Crashing over the Atlantic A plane is halfway between New York and London when the pilot announces to the passengers that two engines have failed, and that they will be making an emergency landing in about 30 minutes. Most of the passengers are relatively calm, except for a woman in the back of the plane, who is in absolute hysterics. She is screaming and crying, until she stands up and shouts, ""Please! Before I die, I want someone in here to make me feel like a real WOMAN!"" A tall,…

A Blonde And A Lawyer A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, ""I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."" Again, she declines and tr…