Car Crash I crashed my car between two houses today. Mr and Mrs Ball live in the left house and Mr and Mrs Smith live in the right house....

CHIVALRY The divorce proceedings had been long, contentious and extremely heated. Finally, the husband's attorney rose for one last try at a no-alimony settlement. ""Your Honor,"" he said, ""my client sincerely believes his wife is being ridiculous. Why, most women would love to have a husband who still believes in chivalry--on the day in question, he was only opening the door for her out of chivalry."" ""Counselor,"" replied the judge, ""I am granting the divorce and the settlement Mrs. Smith i…

Bob was a carpet installer and one day he installed this beautiful wall to wall carpet for Mrs. Smith. He spent all day and did a great job. As he finished he was thinking "I'm ready for a cigarette now!". They weren't in his shirt pocket, and they weren't in his vest pocket. They weren't in his pants. As Bob was going through all his pockets thinking "crap - where the hell are they??" he looked down and notice a lump under the carpet - a single pack-sized lump in the sea of smooth white. "oh…

SOMEONE LEFT THEIR DOGS IN THE CAR WITH THE WINDOWS ROLLED UP -Ma'am, that's a pack of Ballpark All-Beef Franks. ITS 500 DEGREES IN THERE