An Australian takes a vacation in america... He's driving along in his rented car and a cop notices him driving on the wrong side of the road. He pulls him over and says "Do you realize you're driving on the wrong side of the road!?" The Australian says "Oh I'm from Australia." The cop says "Well did you come here to die!?" "No," replies the Australian. "I came here yesterduai!"

Cop: Know why I stopped you? The dead guy in my trunk? Cop: Um, speeding, but my shift's over, so proper burial and no more murders. Ok?

I have a clear conscience until a police car pulls behind me. Then I'm like "OH GOD WHAT IF I MURDERED SOMEONE DID I MURDER SOMEONE"

Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over... Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, ""Step out of the car"" says the cop, ""I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test."" ""I can't"", Jim responds ""You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack."" ""Alright,"" says the cop, ""then you're going to have to take a blood test."" ""Can't do that either,"" Jim responds, ""I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding…