Werner Heisenberg is speeding down the highway... and this cop pulls him over. The cop says, ""Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were going?"" Heisenberg replies, ""No, but I know exactly where I am!""

An Attorney had just purchased and parked his brand new Lexus in front of his office... An Attorney had just purchased and parked his brand new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out, a truck came along too closely and completely tore off the lawyer's driver-side door. Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus with his lights flashing. Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions…

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, ""Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."" ""No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous,…

Our company car in front of the store was stolen last night. The police was told by my boss that only him and a few trusted employees have the access to the key and concluded that it was an inside job. I doubt it... I mean, how could it be an inside job if the car was stolen outside?