A thread of all the best jokes Siri has ever told me. One day I was looking for creative task avoidance tactics, so I asked Siri to tell me a joke. Here are some of the best she had: 1. Whiteboards are quite remarkable. 2. Pavlov’s hair wasn’t always so silky. He had to condition it. 3. Did you hear about the band called 1023MB? They’re good, but they haven’t got a gig yet. 4. What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything. 5. My thesaurus isn’t just ter…

How tall is a penguin? A man rushes into a bar and screams at the bartender, "How tall is a penguin?" The bartender looks at him weirdly and says, "Excuse me?" The man repeats, "How tall is a penguin?" The bartender motions with his hands. "Uh, about this high." The color drains from the man's face as he says, "Oh shit I just ran over a nun."

[creating the armadillo] GOD: I want a half turtle, ANGEL: Okay G: Half pig, A: Okay, I'm on it- G: Half anteater A: ...Are u drunk G: Very

I'm going to hire a Priest, a Doctor and a Rabbi to walk into a bar together just to see WTF happens. Backup Plan: I'll also bring a horse.