""I used to work at a fire hydrant factory."" ""You couldn't park anywhere *near* the place!"" -Steven Wright

""My theory about evolution is that Darwin was adopted"" This is a classic joke for Steven Wright but I don't get it. It's about the wordplay between ""adopted"" and ""adapted""? Can somebody help me? The doubt it's killing me.

I spilled spot remover on my dog... ... He's gone now (credit to Steven Wright)

One day, I made instant coffee in my microwave. I nearly went back in time. - Steven Wright