What's the stupidest joke you know? Here's mine: A panda walks into a bar and orders his food and drinks. When he's done, the panda gets up and pulls out a gun, which he then shoots into the ceiling. He promptly leaves. The next day, the panda goes into the same bar, at which point the bartender says, "Hey! You can't come in here after what you did yesterday, you didn't even pay!" To which the panda says, "bartender, look up the definition of a panda in the dictionary." The bartender opens his…

Homeless Man I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied. "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked. "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need…

In Hell Demon: Why so glum? Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell! Demon: It's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. Are you a drinking man? Guy: Sure, I love to drink. Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab and Fresca... we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more! Guy: Gee that sounds great! Demon: You a smoker? Guy: You know it! Demon: All right! You're gonna love Tue…

Chaos Theory Two friends are chatting in a pub. - Have you heard that Mike died yesterday? -- Oh no! What happened to him? - He was about to pass our house driving his car when he crashed into a parking car on the side of the road, broke through the wind shield, flown through straight in our bedroom window. -- Holy c**p! What a horrible death! - No, he survived it alright. He crawled towards our wardrobe, tried to stand up grabbing the handle, but the wardrobe toppled over, and fell right …