You have three wishes...but there's a catch A business man briskly weaves in and out of the morning rush to make it to his building. He breaks right to take a shortcut down a less-traveled alleyway. He kicks a pile of crumpled newspaper out of his path, but his shoe hits a hard and heavy object. Suddenly a gust of wind and a flash of light exposes a beautiful golden lamp as a powerful genie erupts from it. "You have three wishes. Choose wisely." "Oh wow this is great! Ok um--" The genie interupts, "For everything you wish, your mother-in-law receives twice." A little disappointed, the greedy business man takes another moment to rethink his first wish. But, there was simply no way around it. "Okay genie, I wish that I was the CEO of my company." The man's wish is granted, but alas, his already narcissistic mother-in-law is now the CEO of **two** big companies. Behind a devilish grin the man in the nice suit says, "I wish to have the most beautiful woman as my girlfriend." Somewhere in another part of the United States, a confused mother-in-law shoos two beautiful lesbians from off her front porch. Preparing for his last wish, the man takes a few minutes to think things through. "I've got it, Genie. I want you to beat me half to death." * \* "I would like to be beaten such that if my mother-in-law were to receive the exact same beating twice, she would die, immediately, from her injuries, but also such that I could easily survive just one of these beatings." /u/Brawldud