Scientist: we've finally taught a dog Morse Code Dog: [taps paw] Me: what did it say? Scientist: "woof"

A computer scientist is walking through the woods He finds a frog. The frog says ""Hey! I'm a princess cursed into being a frog. Kiss me and I will turn into a person!"" The computer scientist puts her in his pocket. ""You idiot! Kiss me and I will turn into a princess who will marry you!"" protests the frog The computer scientist replies ""I have no interest in marriage, but I've gotta admit that a talking frog is pretty cool""

Light bulb jokes How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to hold the Diet Coke and one to call daddy. How many real men does it take to change a light bulb? Real men aren't afraid of the dark. How many militant feminists does it take to change a light bu..THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!! How many Altzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side. How many attention-deficit-disorder-kids does it take to change a light bulb? Look, a bunny. Ho…

A man calls home from work... His young daughter answers the phone. "Hi sweetie, is your mother close to the phone? The little girl answers, "No, she's upstairs with uncle Paul." A long pause. "You don't have an uncle Paul, honey." He says. She answers, "Yes I do, he's upstairs with mommy, *right now!*" Another long pause. He says, "I want you to go upstairs and bang on mommy's door and say that you just saw daddy's cat pull in the driveway." "Okay..." A loooong pause. She picks…