Me: "This Chardonnay is so nice, I can really taste the oaky undertones" "Sir those are just chunks of cork from opening it with your keys"

You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? Hahahaa WHY!!??

Standing in the liquor store, trying to decide if tonight's dose of self-loathing and regret should have a screw-top or a cork.

When someone uses the bathroom and asks about the wine cork floating in the toilet is why I don't invite people to my house.