One time I wore my brother's t-shirt, and my dad asked if I was dressing up as his favorite child for Halloween.

*kid opens Easter egg* *egg begins beeping* "Dad why's it ticking" SON NO THAT'S FROM THE- *egg explodes* *sheds tear* Middle-Easter bunny

You know what I'd like for Christmas, mom? I'd like you to stop treating me like a child. Also I'd like some money and some new socks.

A guy is trying to make some extra cash by working as Santa in a shopping mall. The day is filled with hundreds of kids who are excited to tell Santa what they want for Christmas. But then one boy walks up, and he looks very sad. The guy says, ""Ho ho ho! What would you like for Christmas, little boy?"" The boy says, ""I want my daddy to stop hitting my mommy."" The guy is shocked, and speechless for a minute. After he regains his composure, he leans over to the child, who is nealy in tears, and…