Girls, I think it was Thomas Jefferson who once said; "Never put off for tomorrow, when you can put out today."

Thomas Jefferson on cable TV news: "The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers."

If Thomas Jefferson was alive today people would scream "What the hell? You're almost 300 years old!"

I told my girlfriend I was named after Thomas Jefferson. She said, ""Your name is Brian."" I said, ""Right. But I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.""