Friend of mine just got his wife pregnant. Told him it reminded me of this joke. This very young and innocent country girl fell madly in love with this Greek guy and was determined to marry him. Her mother tried hard to stop her, but when she knew she couldn't stop her daughter, she said to her, ""Listen child, marry him and may you live happily ever after. But the day or night he asks you in bed to turn over, you come back to me, for he has lost respect for you."" The daughter agrees to this an…

A woman goes out with her husband to a shopping mall. She sees one store and goes ""hon, that dress looks fabulous, would you buy it for me?"" The man replies. ""Are you crazy? The dress looks great on the mannequin, but would look awful on you because you're fat, like a washing machine."" They keep going and the wife says ""Look at that blouse, it's lovely! would you buy it for me?"" The man replies ""What? It looks good on a thin mannequin, but look at yourself, you are short and heavy, like a…

A drunk man calls his wife from a payphone.... Man: ""honeey, imba gunda needya *hic* gonda needya to come git me"" Wife:""Honey where are you?"" Man:""I'm inda phone box"" Wife:""I understand that, you sound quite drunk, what street are you on?"" Man:""I'mbin da phone box onda corna.."" Wife:""Oh good, you're on a corner, read the street signs and I'll come pick you up"" Man:""Ughh... o. o. one sec, holdon"" The man pops his head out of booth and reads the signs, and gets back on the phone with…

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. ""You don't want to try these techniques at home."" ""Why not?"" asked someone from the back of the audience. ""I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years,"" the expert explained. ""She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. 'Hon,' I suggested, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"" The voice from the back asked, ""Did it save time?"…