What do you get when you cross Queen Elizabeth and King Charles? You get murdered in a tunnel

Queen Elizabeth is celebrating 60 years on the throne. I assume it was something she ate.

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, but are told only one can get into the pearly gates. St. Peter asks Queen Elizabeth what makes her special enough to enter Heaven. Elizabeth takes out a douche bottle and douches herself. St. Peter asks Dolly what makes her special enough to get into Heaven. Dolly opens up her shirt and flashes her chest. St. Peter lets Queen Elizabeth in instead of Dolly, because a royal flush always beats a good pair.

Dad, is Santa real? There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each. Santa has a…