There were 3 women going into a bus. The first one dropped her wallet and had blue pants on and the bus driver said u must support Chelsea. An hour later another women went on a bus and dropped her bag and as she bent down she had red pants on, so the bus driver said you must support Manchester united. Then straight after another women walked in and fell and had no pants on so the bus driver said you must support Arsenal.

SOMEONE LEFT THEIR DOGS IN THE CAR WITH THE WINDOWS ROLLED UP -Ma'am, that's a pack of Ballpark All-Beef Franks. ITS 500 DEGREES IN THERE

"Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it I better call the police!" - literally no one ever

Feeling sick at work. Subway to the bus-$5 Bus to commuter lot-$2 Puking in my car-$0 Guy in the car next to me puking in response-priceless