An Irish monastery takes a vow of silence... The monks agree to let a single monk speak one sentence each year, on Easter. Father O'donnel was the first year, he spoke: ""I think the potatoes are too lumpy."" On the second year Father Kennedy spoke at Easter: ""I think the potatoes are just right."" On the third year of the unbroken vow of silence, Father Murphy was chosen to speak on Easter. He spoke: ""I think that there's too much talk about the potatoes.""

Father Murphy walks into a pub ... Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets ""Do you want to go to heaven?"" The man said ""I do, Father"". The priest said ""Then stand over there against the wall"". Then the priest asked the second man ""Do you want to go to heaven?"" ""Certainly, Father"" was the man's reply. ""Then stand over there against the wall"" said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said ""Do you want to go to heaven?"" O'Toole …

The King and his donkey? Father Murphy tried that too... [BringItOnFellas' previous version here](http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2dru6u/a_king_enrolled_his_donkey_in_a_race_and_won/) Father Murphy's parish was always scratching for the mortgage payment, until one day he came up with a plan: they would buy a racehorse, enter it in a few races down at the track, and see if they could win some money. The council agreed, the hat was passed, and the good Father went to the next horse auction.…

A catholic schoolgirl goes to church for confession... When she gets to the church, she notices that the confessional is occupied, so she sits down in a nearby pew. A short time later, the confessional door opens, and her best friend exits. The friend sits next to the girl, who asks her, ""So... what did you confess to?"" ""I told Father Murphy I gave my boyfriend a handjob in the back seat of the car. He told me to say ten Hail Marys and wash my hands in the font of holy water."" The first girl…