Two friends are drinking in a bar... Before they know it, the night has passed into the wee hours of the morning. The first man turns to the second and says ""I'll be in trouble when I get home to the wife again. Every time I'm home late I get a taxi to a few doors down, creep round to the back door, take my shoes off, tip toe up the stars and sneak into bed without a sound. She always wakes up and gives me a good shouting."" ""Try what I do,"" says the second man. ""I drive across the lawn, sla…

A man walks into a bar... Sits down and orders a drink. The bar is empty except for a nonchalant bartender wiping glasses down and a man focused on his drink at the bar and, amazingly, on the bar next to him is a tiny man tinkling away at a tiny piano. He looks at the gentleman siting closest to the tiny piano player and asks, ""is that yours?"" The man looks up and with a sigh replies, ""Yes, it is."" The first man, awed at the small miracle says, ""That's amazing! Where did you get such a thin…

Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel. The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager, 'Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the difference.' The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business…

Two men are sitting in a penthouse bar... perched on top of a building of impressive height. One of the men turns to the other and gives him a nudge: ""Hey, don't look so down. I have a secret for you. This beer that I'm drinking is magic beer. This beer that I'm drinking will make you fly!"" Upon seeing the man roll his eyes in disbelief he exclaims, ""No! Really! Watch this!"" He then downs the rest of his drink and jumps out a nearby window, only to return safely after making a loop around th…