When I go to Victoria's Secret, I just throw things on the floor to see how they'll really look.

WIFE: [walks in on me trying on Victoria's Secret] OMG ME: It's not what you think! [shows receipt] They were on sale WIFE: Oh thank God

Sometimes I loiter outside of Victoria's Secret just so people think I have a girlfriend.

I guess "Victoria's Secret Angel" does sound better than "flightless pantybird"