8 year old daughter: I wish I had been born a twin Me: You were a very hungry fetus- Wife: Ok that's enough time with Dad for today

[at restaurant]] 8yo: why does mom eat half of your food? Me: because.. Wife *evil glare* Me *terrified* because I don't want it.

Completely true. I think it makes for a great joke My husband wrestles with being the only man known to mankind to be able to muster the most sulphorous and nose bleeding farts with nothing but the consumption of water. I mean these bad boys send me flying out of bed at night to escape the torment. We were in Walmart the other day and decided to split up in order to keep our time at Wally World to a minimum. About ten minutes go by and my husband comes racing down the aisle laughing so hard tear…

She LOVES her husband Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party... As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees h…