What Not to Say to a Policeman -- I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. -- Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize I was driving. -- Wow, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me! -- I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead. -- You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? -- You look just like my girlfriend's deadbeat ex-husband. -- The question is -- do YOU know why you pulled me over? -- I was trying to keep up with traffic, and it's miles …

What do locking the keys in your car and getting your girlfriend pregnant have in common? both can be solved with a coat hanger

What kind of car does Bill Cosby drive? A Honda quaalude. (Credit to my girlfriend)

Advices? Hey guys so since couple of weeks I think that my girlfriend is cheating on me. So last night I followed her. She took a cab I took my car and followed her till the cab stopped in front of one nice house. I went beside my car and crouched. She went out and there was this sport dressed bastard which hugged her and they started to kiss... While crouching I saw oil leaking from my car. Do you think this is coming from the filter or from the engine? Thanks