Wife just found out my ring tone for her is "ding dong the witch is dead" so if anyone wants to race to Canada READY SET GO

Wife: Hit the light. *flicks switch (wrong light) *flicks another (fan) *flicks (disposer) *flicks (nothing) *flicks (some light in Canada)

An 86 year old man goes in to his yearly checkup. His doctor says, ""You're looking good, how do you feel?"" The old man says, ""I feel *great*. I have a 25 year old wife who's carrying my baby. What do you think about that?"" The doctor says, ""That reminds me of another patient I have who's about your age. He an avid hunter and never misses a season. This past year he went hunting beavers in Canada but when he got to the woods he realized he had forgotten to pack his rifle. To make the best of…

Marrying a Canadian woman Three friends married women from different parts of the world. The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. The second man married a Thai. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By …