"This is why I hate fancy restaurants, I can never pronounce anything on the menu" -me, drunk, holding the Waffle House menu upside down

I secretly gave our Waffle House waitress a $100 tip and my family can't figure out why she's crying & hugging me & trying to get in our car

I don't always eat breakfast in my underwear but when I do, I get escorted out of Waffle House.

I think my Waffle House waitress moonlights with AT&T; because I'm getting absolutely no service.