If you are a turkey right now and someone offers to cut off your head, stuff you full of dressing, and cook you, do not do it. It is a trap.

I get caught zipping my pants up while standing beside the turkey just one time, and suddenly she never needs help in the kitchen anymore

I shot my first Turkey today. Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen food section, it was awesome!

[soup kitchen] *homeless man is handed a plate* What the hell is this? -Turkey bacon. *throws tray against wall* I'm hungry! Not desperate!