Eddie was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him ""Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE"". The next morning Eddie got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the h…

A special gift Bill is sitting at home on his computer when his wife Cindy comes downstairs. She starts telling him about her day and after awhile she realizes he is not listening at all. Fed up with all his inattentiveness she tells him, "when I wake up tomorrow I expect to see something sitting in the driveway that goes from zero to two hundred in less than five seconds." The next morning Cindy wakes up and looks outside to find a scale sitting in front of the garage. Funeral services will b…

My friend who worked at a movie theater died yesterday. Funeral services are being held at 3:20, 5:15, 7:50 and 9:10.

My friend who works at the movie theater died yesterday... Funeral services are being held today at 4:25, 5:40, 7:10 and 9:45