United States: There's 5280 feet in one mile. Rest of the World: What even is that? United States: Lol, we made it up.

I threw a parking cone at someone. I am the drunkest person in the United states.

Americans think of Canada as a United States cover band.

Amazing how in the last 30 years, the United States has completely transitioned from an industrial powerhouse to a brunch-based economy.