What does a Chicago cop say after emptying his clip into a fleeing suspect? ""Stop. Police.""

So the FBI, the DEA, and the Chicago police are looking for a bear ... This bear has been up to no good - it's suspected of running a major meth lab, money laundering, and even murder for hire. The authorities think the bear is hiding in some woods near Chi-town. The FBI go into the woods first. After a few hours, the agents come out. ""No bear in there,"" they say. ""He got away."" Then the DEA give it a try. They search the forest for 24 hours but find no suspects. Finally, the Chicago police …

So a guy named Mike applies to join a Chicago police department. "The first test is to lift a bag that is the size of a human and carry it to safety out of a building.", says the chief. Mike succeeds. "Next, you must show us your driving skills and show that you can handle a police car.", the chief says. Mike succeeds. "Now, for your final test, I want you to go shoot a black teenager and three songbirds.", says the chief. "Why should I shoot three songbirds?", says Mike. "Congratulations…

What does a Chicago police officer and a professional skateboarder have in common? They both shred footage.