No thanks, World Cup. If I wanted to watch dudes run around for 3 hours and leave with a tie, I'd just go to Sears.

"Can you believe I got something decent at a piece of shit store like Sears?" - every Sears commercial

He said I won his heart and I was all "Ugh can I just win like $20? How about a sweater from Sears? A pencil? I could really use a pencil."

Please Choose a Sears Portrait Background: 1. Autumn Leaves 2. Toenail Fungal Infection 3. Country Cabin 4. Alarmed Possum