I once played golf with a Kiwi The RSPCA showed up the next day.

There are some horrible bastards about I heard a cat crying outside my door and I saw 4 blokes in Chelsea shirts playing football with it I was just about to phone the RSPCA when the cat went 1- 0 up

I was walking through the woods and found a suitcase containing a fox and four cubs... I immediately called the RSPCA and told the lady on the other end. "That's terrible," she replied. "Are they moving?" "I'm not sure," I said, "But I guess that would explain the suitcase."

A giraffe was visiting a waterhole in Africa when he spotted a frog. "Hey," he said to the frog, "you've got no neck!" The frog said: "Why would I need a neck like yours?" The giraffe replied: "With a neck like mine, you could enjoy life to the full. You see, when I eat something, it takes so long to go down that I can enjoy it all the way. I can savour every second. When I drink fresh water, I can feel it going from my lips to my stomach for ages. It adds a bit of extra quality to my life." The…