Oscar Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Don't try to surprise Oscar Pistorius She didn't notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the limbs. Oscar Pistorius. Not the first South African with a race problem. When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson? Absolutely shocking news from South Africa. White man arrested for murder. Oscar Pistorius. Just because he has no legs doesn't mean he's unarmed. I take it Osca…

Did you hear about Oscar Pistorius' home improvements? He wants a new bathroom door, but his girlfriend's dead against it

I farted alone in a room and then my girlfriend's dad came in. Now I have to pretend like something is dead in the walls and help him look.

[at funeral parlor with bereaved girlfriend] HER: You think these glass urns are a good idea? ME: Remains to be seen.