Little Johnny was at school when... his teacher asked the class 'Jane. What did you do last weekend? 'I went for a ride on a choo choo train.' Jane replied proudly. 'That's fantastic!' replied the teacher, 'but you need to use grown up words. Next time just say train, not choo choo train. Tim, what did you do last weekend?' Tim thought for a second and said 'I went to granny and grampys house.' 'Oh that's lovely' replied teacher, 'but remember to use grown up words. Grandma and grandpa. Johnny…

The cost of happiness Tim and Steve were catching up at their 30th college reunion. After the initial frenzy of catching up settled down, Tim could tell that Steve was a bit down in the dumps, so he starts digging. Steve admits that aren't as perfect as they may look from the outside. Tim says, "But Steve, you are the model of success. You have taken two companies public and cashed out with so much money there is almost nothing you can't buy. Your kids turned out great, you widely r…

An Irish boy comes home after school. His father asks him how his day went. The boy replies: "I think I'm in love." His father says: "But that's great, son! Tell me, who are you in love with? Is it Fiona?" No. "Is it Mary?" No. "Is it Rosy?" NO, dad... I... I'm in love with Tim. The father explodes: "Tim? TIM? My son, why are you doing this to your family? Tim is Protestant!!

What if animals ""were"" injured in the making of a film. Do they list that in the credits? Tim hurt one monkey. He is very sorry.