What kind of car does Bill Cosby drive? A Honda quaalude. (Credit to my girlfriend)

A German man was fined 500 for sedating his girlfriend so that he could keep playing video games. The court called it ""an act of deliberate assault,"" while Bill Cosby called it ""a waste of perfectly good sedative.""

Just some jokes about musicians. How do you know the stage at a concert is level? Drool is coming out of both sides of the drummers mouth. What do you call a drummer with no girlfriend? Homeless. What do floutists eat for breakfast? Flute loops. How do you tune three oboeists? Shoot 2 of them. How many flute players does it take to change a light bulb? One, they stand on the ladder holding the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them.

What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? He wiped.