It's all because of a misunderstanding. Jared told his buddies that he was going off the Subway diet and he asked them what he should eat. They said to have a Little Debbie.

Why did Jared stop eating subway? (NSFW) Because now he prefers cheese pizza

How do you get a hippie off your door step? Pay for the pizza and close the door.

Who the hell names food anyway? I recently started a new job and soon realized that some crazy fool was giving names to all of the food in the break room refrigerator. Today I had a tuna sandwich named 'Bob'.