The only clean joke Michael Caine could think of to tell the Queen. I remember this joke from a TV interview I saw with Michael Caine about 20 years ago, and it's stuck with me: A telemarketer calls a house and a little girl answers the phone: Little girl (LG): \*quiet voice* *"Hello?"* Telemarketer (TM) "Hello there and good day, would you mother be available to talk to?" (LG) \*quiet voice* *"No, she's busy at the moment.*" TM: "Oh, okay, would your father be there at all?" (LG) \*quie…

A dad puts his little girl to sleep... And the girl says, "Goodbye Grandpa" and the dad asks why she said grandpa, the girl replied, "I don't know it just felt right". The next day the grandpa died. The dad thought it was just a coincidence. The dad puts the girl to sleep and a few months later she says, "Goodbye Grandma" and the dad went along with it. The next day the grandma died and the dad thought that she knew who would die next! Several weeks later, the dad puts his girl to sleep an…

What's with all the clocks? A man who recently died had a meeting with God. He was waiting outside, looking at a large wall of clocks outside his office. God stepped out to invite him inside. **M:** Hey, what's with all these clocks? **G:** Ah, this is the wall shows every lie everyone has ever told. The lies are represented by clocks. Every time someone tells a lie, the clock moves 1 minute. **M:** Wow there's a lot of people up here. Look, George Washington's clock never moved! Mine is at …

Twisted Tyke An executive of a company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispering, "Hello?" Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked," Is your daddy home?" "Yes", whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No." Wanting to talk with an ad…