Well, that's the last time I tell my girlfriend to sit on my face... whilst doing a Sean Connery impersonation.

Just some jokes about musicians. How do you know the stage at a concert is level? Drool is coming out of both sides of the drummers mouth. What do you call a drummer with no girlfriend? Homeless. What do floutists eat for breakfast? Flute loops. How do you tune three oboeists? Shoot 2 of them. How many flute players does it take to change a light bulb? One, they stand on the ladder holding the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them.

What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? He wiped.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass. (Haven't seen this on here, hope its not a repost.)