A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead Take a Trip to the Desert and Can Only Bring one Item With Them While they are walking through the sand, the redhead says, ""I brought a jug of water! In case I get thirsty, I'll drink it."" She then looks at the brunette and asks her what she brought. The brunette says, ""I brought a protein bar with me. In case I get hungry, I'll eat it!"" She then turns to the blonde and notices that she's carrying a car door. She says, ""Why in the world would you bring a c…

A politician dies and goes to heaven... He is greeted by St. Peter who tells him there is a new system in the afterlife. You can spend one day in heaven and one day in hell, and afterwords you can decide where you want to spend eternity. The politician say, ""ok, let's try this out."" So he spends the day in heaven, praying with the Lord, singing with the choir, and talking with the angels. He's thinking this is alright, not too exciting, but it's gotta be better than hell. The day ends with a l…

A woman walks into a bar... She sits down and orders a drink. ""Just give me anything,"" she says. A female bartender, new on the job, notices the woman applying a thin layer of lipstick with trembling hands. ""Are you... okay?"" ""What this? This ain't anything new."" She pauses. ""It's the crime. This town seems overrun by it. Every day there is a new bad guy and who do they call to straighten things out?"" ""The police?"" asks the bartender innocently. ""Try again."" The patron takes out her …

Coffee with Jesus A Republican in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked ""Is that Jesus sitting over there?"" The waitress nodded ""yes!"" So, the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him. The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced a…