Wife: you're drunk Me: no'm not Wife: I'M JUST A POOR BOY NOBODY LOVES ME Me: HE JURSTA PRO BROY FUMMA FLOOR FLAMLEE Wife: Me: ok lil bit

So a Jim walks into a bar... ...and the only other person in the bar (other than the barkeeper) is one guy. This guy had already had way too many, and was fighting to keep his balance on the bar stool. Soon after, the drunk falls off of his chair. The drunk then tried to climb up back on to the bar stool, but to no avail. After watching the drunk man try to climb back up onto his bar stool for a while, Jim takes pity on him and walks over to help him out. ""Are you okay there man?"" Jim asks the…

A couple gets married. The husband puts a box under their bed and gets his wife to promise not to look in the box. After 30 years the wife finally looked, to find $1817.35 and 3 empty beer cans. That night at diner the wife tells her husband about looking in the box, and asks him why he had the 3 beer cans in there. The husband said ""for very time I cheated on you, I put a can in there to remind me never to do it again."" the wife very happy about however she understood that her husband was on …

$40 Bill is out with his friends drinking, and realizes he is way too drunk and it is way too late. He has to go home. As he gets up to go, his drinking catches up with him, and he pukes all over his shirt. ""Shit!"" yells Bill, ""Now my wife is going to know I was drinking tonight!"" ""Don't worry about it,"" says Bill's pal Steven, ""Put a $20 in the pocket, tell her someone else puked on you and that they gave you the $20 so you can get the shirt cleaned."" ""Genius!"" replies Bill, and heads…