Two black guys were walking down the road in Los Angeles.... When they were hit by a police car driven by a drunk cop. One guy was thrown through the windscreen and his buddy was sent hurling down an embankment. The first guy was charged with breaking and entering, and the second was charged with leaving the scene of an accident. (I'm not racist but I laughed at this so hard.)

"Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it I better call the police!" - literally no one ever

Cop: Know why I stopped you? The dead guy in my trunk? Cop: Um, speeding, but my shift's over, so proper burial and no more murders. Ok?

Officer: "didn't you know that sleeping in your car on the side of the road is illegal ?" Me: "yes I did officer. But this isn't my car"