FRIEND: you gotta go home and show your wife who's boss ME: damn right [later] ME: jen listen up *pulls out photo* this is my manager tim

Me: we're throwing a surprise party for Tim Wife: don't you hate Tim? Me: [filling balloons with bees] yes

Returning on Investment After being away on buisness, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. ""How about some perfume?"" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. ""That's a bit much,"" said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. ""That's still quite a bit,"" Tim complained. Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle. ""What I mean,"" said Tim, ""is I'd like to see something really cheap."" The clerk handed him a mirror.

There is a game show where you have to make up short poems containing a special word within one minute. In the final show there are only two people left: A rabby from New York and a farmer from New Zealand. They get the word ""Timbouktou"". The rabby is first. He starts: ""I was a rabby all my life, I loved my children and my wife, I read the bible through and through and I did it on my way to Timbouktou"". The audience is fascinated. Nobody belives that the farmer could top this. Now he starts:…