I flipped off a latino guy who cut me off in traffic and now I'm polling at 8% in the Republican primary.

All I'm saying is if I were president I would make a law banning women from saying "We need to talk"

"Hey, my eyes are up here! LOL, just kidding, they're everywhere." - the government

I can still blame my unhealthy eating on "the holidays", right? President's Day is coming up.