one time i slam dunked a basketball so good we were out of school for a week people just needed time to process

why yes i studied sports medicine at the university of phoenix. *puts stethoscope on basketball, nods*

Me: Off to adult school recess! Boss: it's called lunch.. Me: *runs by dribbling basketball with two hands

I'm on pace to see 3.7 million Aflac commercials this college football season.