No, I can't make it to your hair washing party tonight. I'm washing my h... erm i mean my dog ate my grandmother is dead.

me and grandma are eating bread pudding and watching murder mysteries, she says what's up

"ranch goes with everything" i whisper while placing a bottle of ranch in grandma's coffin

Me: Grandma died, can't work today. Boss: Thought she died last month? Me: This time she is for real dead. We poked her with a stick.