Me: Grandma died, can't work today. Boss: Thought she died last month? Me: This time she is for real dead. We poked her with a stick.

We're throwing a surprise retirement party for a guy at the office and the "party" isn't the surprise.

ME: I can't come in to work. My grandma died BOSS: your grandma has died 4 times this year ME: yeah she's a cat

Coworker: I was named after my grandfather. Me: Of course you were, he was born first.