Wife: Are you coming or not? Me: Is there gonna be alcohol? Wife: It's your grandmother's funeral! M:... Wife: NO! Me: Then I'm not coming.

Sitting with Grandma at the hospital. She noticed me checking my watch and said, "Go on Dummy. I know brunch is almost over at the tit bar."

The best part about Christmas Eve is when grandma gets drunk and tries to fight everyone.

Old Insults One night when my grandfather was a little drunk, he started describing a woman he once new and he had the most hilariousness old insults. If you know some good old insults please add them in the comments but I'll start with some of the ones I've heard. She had a face that could stop a 7 day clock. -Daniel Mance She was uglier than a hedge fence. -Daniel Mance That woman's as cold as a nudist on an iceberg. -Foghorn Leghorn Nice boy but he's got more nerve than a bum tooth. -Foghorn …