FRIEND: you gotta go home and show your wife who's boss ME: damn right [later] ME: jen listen up *pulls out photo* this is my manager tim

Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is a copy of your naughty list. Love, -Tim

What if animals were injured in the making of a film. would it say ''Tim hurt one monkey... he feels bad."

Newsreader: "And now Tom with the weather." Weatherman: "It's Tim, actually." Newsreader: "Sorry. And now Tom with the tim."