[1st day as criminal sketch artist] Victim: He was blonde had blue eyes, he was about 6ft t.... Me: I'm gonna need a longer sheet of paper

I asked a blonde friend to check if my blinker was working, her reply was 'Yes, it is. No, it's not. Yes, it is. No, it's not.'

"BUT WE'RE DATING!" the blonde screams, "I'M YOUR GIRLFRIEND." "You were" Hefner chuckles. "Now you're just some bunny that I used to know."

Mom wants me to have a baby girl with blonde hair and blue eyes.And I want a sane mother who isn't oblivious to my Italian bloodline.