A woman walks into a bar... She sits down and orders a drink. ""Just give me anything,"" she says. A female bartender, new on the job, notices the woman applying a thin layer of lipstick with trembling hands. ""Are you... okay?"" ""What this? This ain't anything new."" She pauses. ""It's the crime. This town seems overrun by it. Every day there is a new bad guy and who do they call to straighten things out?"" ""The police?"" asks the bartender innocently. ""Try again."" The patron takes out her …

In the land of Cheerios... In the land of Cheerios there is a cast system. At the top there are the king and queen Cheerios, next come the noble Cheerios, then the night Cheerios who are responsible for law enforcement in the land, then come the peasant Cheerios who are somewhat oppressed but work hard and get by, and then there are the gangster Cheerios who break the rules and steal from other hard working Cheerios. Some gangster Cheerios however were born into the gangster Cheerios cast, and w…

I was an Air Force ICBM launch control officer in South Dakota. Two officers pulled 24-hour alerts in a launch control center that was surrounded by several Minuteman II silos. The facility and the silos were separated by several miles. We were not allowed to leave the ""capsule"" until relieved the next day and we were supported by several on-site personnel in the support building upstairs. The capsules were Spartan but each boasted a small refrigerator and a small microwave. On one tour of…

An elderly lady living alone surprised a burglar in her kitchen. He was weighed down with all the items he was planning to steal. With no weapon in reach, all she could think of doing was to quote scripture at him and so she held up her hand and shouted out: "Acts 2:38!" The burglar instantly froze in fear, allowing the lady to get to the phone and dial 911. When the police arrived ten minutes later, the burglar was still quaking with terror. After arresting him, the officers were puzzled as to …