Me: Sorry I got drunk and ate all the bacon. Wife: You ate Beggin' Strips. *me to the dog* Sorry I got drunk and ate all of your bacon.

WIFE: Where's the dog? *flashback to me giving him the keys to the car to get more beer* ME: I let him outside.

[Bar] "Two long necks please" Giraffe in the back: Wow. Did he just- Giraffe's wife: Cliff, he didn't mean anything by it please sit down

A man's wife is going to kick him out of the house for drinking too much. Joe and his friends frequent one bar in town a lot and his wife hates it. She thinks he drinks entirely too much and it is causing a problem in their marriage . After one particularly long bender Joe ends up puking all over himself before he stumbles back home. Joe wakes up to his wife screaming at him. She threatens that he really needs to cut back on the drinking and if she sees him come home like this one more time she …