i wish everything was made out of pizza i'd be like hey bro sorry I ate your pizza car and pizza house and pizza wife.

[Enter restaurant] WIFE: See if you can get us a table ME: Ok [1 minute later] ME: [sprinting towards wife, carrying table] START THE CAR

A man came home from work and found his 3 children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn around garden, The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog, walking in the door, he found ...an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was against one wall, In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, the family room was strewn with toys and various items of …

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed..... She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye. ""What's the matter, dear?"" she whispers as she steps into the room.... ""Why are you down here at this time of night!?"" The husband looks up from his drink, ""It's the 2…