Five Elderly Ladies Another chain letter my mother sent... Hiding on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers, a Massachusetts State Trooper sees a car puttering along at 24 mph. He thinks to himself, ""This driver is as dangerous as a speeder!"" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to h…

Some guy came to my house wearing ACU's begging for food, so I slapped him in the head and said ""Stolen Valor""..... Next thing I know the police at my door and the little pricks mom is behind them saying she wants me arrested for assaulting her son and ruining Halloween

Your mother and I are getting a divorce after 45 years of marriage. An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, ""I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!"" ""Dad, what are you talking about?"" the son yells. ""We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,"" the old dad explained. ""We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your …

Bad Christmas cracker jokes. Where do you find reindeer? It depends on where you leave them! What do reindeer have that no other animals have? Baby reindeer! Knock Knock Who's there? Snow Snow who? Snow business like show business! Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws! What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa Clues! What do you call a man who claps at Christmas? Santapplause! Why was Santa little helper depressed? Because he had low elf estee…