NURSE: She's in a coma. She's been on hungerstrike [boyfriend walks in with just enough chips for himself] PATIENT: *Opens one eye*

[dentist giving me a filling] Me: guh uh hag a hogreg? Dentist stops: what? Me: do you have a boyfriend?

My therapist keeps telling me to stop dating women who believe in the healing powers of crystals and I'm all like, "Nope."

My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It's odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush.